


Demons

by BardsAmbrosia



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Child Loss, F/M, Therapy, imagine dragons- demons too, quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 11:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3485945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardsAmbrosia/pseuds/BardsAmbrosia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It has been said time heals all wounds.  I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it's never gone." </p><p>- Rose Kennedy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Demons

**Author's Note:**

> Venting my sadness of child loss because I've been reading about it for an essay since yesterday. Bleh.
> 
> Also thought my first Frederick/Reader would be smut, but boy was I wrong.

You are a patient and you always come the same day, at the same time. You always see Dr. Frederick Chilton for your two hour sessions.

 

It's already been an hour.

 

The doctor has been through many depressing sessions with countless plople. 

He can see you are resilient. You do not take medication for the side effects that have taken refuge inside from your tragedy.

 

He's already marked up two papers with various notes. It's been about an hour so far.

 

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm actually in my body. Like when I found out they died. I have to touch myself and bring myself back."

 

"There's no coming back from this, doctor. There's not. The healing happens, but the scars remind me."

 

"Tell me about your children."

 

You shift uncomfortably in your chair. "It was Autumn."

 

"She said: Mommy why are the leaves like that? And I told her leaves die in the fall. And come back in the spring. They are living things. The trees and even the grass."

 

"Then she says: Oh....mommy I don't want you to die. And I told her I won't die. I'll get old, baby."

 

"She was so bright."

 

"I dropped them off. And I went around...to walk them inside the preschool. Before we even got to the door, she hugged me, she told me 'I love you.' Her little brother joined in too. My son...he was-- great."

 

"The last time you saw them." The doctor muttered, scratching down something.

 

"Grieving a child is an unnatural experience for a parent. You aren't suppose to bury your children."

 

"You don't stop mourning. You just live with it. There is no right way to grieve. But after 12 years I learned there is only one way to forgive."

 

"First I forgave myself and then I forgave him. I stopped blaming myself. I stopped hating him for stealing my legacy and my purpose."

 

"I read articles and guides. Have you ever heard of the name Emmett Till? His mother inspired me. She forgave the people who brutally murdered her 14 year old son."

 

"I've heard about that case." It was decades old and gruesome.

 

"The only good that came from it was the spark it help lit into the civil rights movement. She committed her life to teaching. Died a month after giving a speech about what had happened and that she forgave them. She would only be free if she did."

 

"I don't know what good, if any came from what happened. Maybe it just hasn't happened yet or I'm not see it."

 

"My husband was a sick man."

 

"My daughter told me she wanted a dog on numerous occasions. My son never got to learn how to say the alphabet. I never got her a puppy. I never got to experience the joy of hearing my son recite the alphabet."

 

"I was robbed of everything in those 6 years, in an instant. Time waits for no one and death spares no one. I was never much of a religious woman. But I prayed because it's the only thing that'd ease the burning in my chest and the only thing that would help me sleep besides my mother being at my side."

 

"Do you have children, doctor?"

 

"No." 

 

"It's the most rewarding experience. Its like looking into a mirror and seeing the future. Everything you never were and everything you wanted to be right in front of you. So you push and push everything into them, you want them to be perfect. To never hurt, they deserve everything good that you never got."

 

He nods.

 

"I wanted to shelter them, hide the truth. Every horrible truth."

 

"But their father, that beast inside of him. There was no where no hide."

 

"I knew he was sick. Although, I didn't know he was capable of this. I wanted to take them away from him and protect them."

 

"When I think about how I felt before, I realize it was greed. I wanted their safety and I wanted them only to myself."

 

"No matter what we breathe, we are all made of greed, doctor. My husband was consumed with it. But, even if what we breathe is something to benefit others. We want and need the gratification that we made them happy."

 

"The only true love there is is the one of a young child."

 

"What about when they get older, Ms. (L/n)?"

 

"I don't know. I...I never got to experience that."

 

"How have you been feeling?" 

 

"The only time I feel safe; at peace, is when I sleep, when it's dark and quiet. When I'm alone. And when I dream, I know I'll get to see them. That's why night is my favorite part of the day. The end of the day; I'm just another step closer to my children. I don't fear death anymore, I welcome time and aging."

 

"But the days feel slower now."

 

"Have you been to their graves recently?"

 

"Yes. Two weeks ago, with my parents."

 

"The church is near by?"

 

"Yeah. The pastor is a great man. He told me that pain and suffering have come into my life, but to remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus-- a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” 

 

"If someone had said that to me 10 years ago, I wouldn't have cried. What he said to me made me feel like they were safe, forever."

 

You go quiet for a couple of moments. The scratching of pen and paper echoing in the room.

 

"A girl's father is her first love and a boy's father is his first hero. Sometimes I wonder if in death he regrets what he did."

 

The doctor glances up from his book to observe you. You look young, but you have the presence of a tired, old woman behind your calm facade. You are beyond your years.

 

"I held their hands for only a moment, but I'll always have their hearts..." Your voice trails off.

 

Dr. Chilton pens that down as well. 

 

"Have you been eating properly?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Have you been seeing anyone romantically?"

 

"No."

 

"Do you think you'll ever have children again?" He asked the same question around your first session. You couldn't even answer him.

 

"I don't think so."

 

You felt like that chapter of your life was over.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired 
> 
> byhttps://www.yahoo.com/parenting/my-husband-killed-our-kids-112544391037.html
> 
> And the story of Emmett Till.


End file.
